E-mail made so much sense in the beginning. Paper and postage costs would go down. Important information could be delivered without having to make phone calls or fire up the fax machine. E-mail was E-Nirvana!

But printed paper gave us the advantage of having second thoughts while the message languished in the outbox. For many, however, the e-mail outbox is the "Oh, no, what have I done?" box. Launched at a click of a button, e-mail is unforgiving.

For example, after sending out a critical project report for his team’s review, Riley got an e-mail from Tyler that said simply, "What were you thinking?"

Riley was instantly furious at the criticism. He fired off a terse reply, "Specifics?!"

"Reports fine but I think you’re off," came the reply.

"Off! What’s off?" Riley banged back, ignoring that Tyler said the report was fine.

"I think you are," Tyler emailed back minutes later.

The flurry of e-mails continued for several days. Riley’s fury grew over Tyler’s apparent lack of respect and clarity. Riley began sending blind copies of the entire interchange to their supervisor as well. Finally, the exasperated supervisor called Tyler for an explanation. "The report is great," Tyler said, puzzled. "Riley asked me in the e-mail about a meeting in early January, but I thought he was on vacation then. I just wanted to know what dates he was thinking about. What did he involve you for?" And so the resentment continues…

E-mail’s speed and convenience are countered by its lack of tone and inflection. Interpretation hinges on the recipients’ moods, personalities, and how well they know the senders. "That’s not what I meant" and "What made you think that?" are the e-mail equivalent to the cell phone’s "Can you hear me now?"

E-mail Prime Directive
Fortunately, few e-mails actually cause problems for people. The majority are mechanical and functional…as e-mail was meant to be.

The danger sign for e-mail is emotion. If you have ANY emotions about the e-mail you’re about to send, don’t send it right away.

First of all, feelings are funny. They lurk between the lines. Here’s how it happens.

Research shows that facial expressions and body language contribute 55 percent of the content in a face-to-face conversation. Your tone of voice adds 38 percent to the meaning. The words themselves only make up 7 percent of the message!

Over the telephone, body language is unseen, but not lost. Your expression, posture, motions, etc., are folded into your tone. Even though the listener can’t see you, your body language speaks volumes. If you roll your eyes or assume a bored position with your feet on the desk, gazing out of the window, it will show up in the inflections and word choice.

When communication is reduced to the mercy of words alone, anything can happen. E-mail isn’t a "formal" method of communication. It’s more casual and conversational…and volatile. We rarely slow down and choose our words as carefully as we do when we hand write a message. Our choice of words, when stripped of our tone of voice, may don entirely new meaning in the recipient’s in box. The emphasis changes. Words take on new, and unintended, definitions.

Be safe, start by double checking all emotions. Whether you’re happy and excited or angry and frustrated, hesitate before pressing send. Let’s say you’re ecstatic over the last sales report. It’s phenomenal! No harm in sending out a "hallelujah!" e-mail, but a phone call or face to face visit might be better. Even a handwritten thank you or congratulations.

Confused? Angry? Irritated? In our earlier scenario, Riley and Tyler could have saved days of wasted wrangling if one of them had just picked up the phone.

Really check yourself if you’re irritated or exasperated. Go back and edit for sarcasm or jibes. If you can, wait until later or until the next day to send the e-mail.

You can’t always predict when an e-mail will hit a nerve. Sometimes you’ve just e-mailed into the middle of a firestorm and it’s your day to get burned. You can, however, take your own emotions out of the equation. E-mail is at its best when it’s informational, not emotional and certainly not confrontational. That’s what the telephone and face-to-face conversations are for.

Word count: 733
Copyright 2005 by Mary Pretzer Walker